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Ogden man living the dream of independence

Standard-Examiner (Ogden, UT) - 9/20/2014

Sept. 20--OGDEN -- Living in a one-bedroom apartment in low-income housing, without a vehicle or a job, doesn't exactly sound like your typical American success story. But for those who know and love Robert Kilfoyle, that's exactly what this is.

Robert Kilfoyle is living the dream.

The 46-year-old Ogden man, who is intellectually disabled, recently won the Self-Advocate of the Year award at the Utah Developmental Disabilities Council's 2014 Advocacy Awards Luncheon, in Salt Lake City. The awards are given annually to those who are able to make a difference in the lives of those with intellectual or developmental disabilities.

"This is a real success story," insists Amy Widdison, who has known Kilfoyle for about seven years -- and worked with him for the past three. She's a staff worker at Phoenix Services, a Clearfield-based company that helps those with brain injuries and similar disabilities.

Kilfoyle says that when he was just a year old, his mother abused him, causing brain damage. He's lived in group homes much of his adult life, but like many of us, dreamed of being able to live out on his own, in his own apartment.

Mandy Shale, who works for the Ogden-based Family Advocacy and Consultation Services, is Kilfoyle's support coordinator. She says Kilfoyle didn't like the rules, restrictions and lack of privacy in a group home. He wanted to live on his own.

"He was struggling," Shale said. "He lived in a group home, but was not able to do everything he wanted. He was not happy, he didn't go to the doctor, he kept saying, 'I wanna move out.' "

But Shale and others weren't sure they would be able to make that independence happen. Kilfoyle has a mild intellectual disability that makes him, development-wise, like a young teenager. Still, he kept at it.

"He would call me three or four times a day from the group home, saying, 'I'm not happy about this,' " Shale recalls.

"He just had this determination," Widdison adds. "He was very strong on wanting to be out on his own."

Then, a little over two years ago, case workers finally found Kilfoyle his own apartment near 27th Street and Adams Avenue in Ogden. It was not a particularly good neighborhood.

"But he didn't care where it was," Widdison said. "He was just bound and determined to get out on his own."

He lived there for a year, and when his lease was up, he was able to move to his current apartment in the old St. Benedict's Hospital -- now called St. Benedict's Manor and converted to low-income housing.

Kilfoyle loves his apartment. And his freedom.

"They didn't believe I could be on my own," he says.

By all accounts, Kilfoyle is a pretty good cook. He likes to make meatloaf, noodles with hamburger, and pot roast in the slow cooker. And he often uses his George Foreman Grill, according to a neighbor.

He's able to do most things on his own, and for those areas where he needs help -- deep-cleaning the apartment, rides to shopping and appointments, and teaching him life skills -- Phoenix Services is there. Staff workers spend time with Kilfoyle each day.

"After they leave I take a nap, or hang out with my friends outside," he said. "My girlfriend's in the other building; I go see her."

Kilfoyle goes to the laundry room weekly and does his laundry.

"He and his girlfriend usually make a date out of it," Widdison says.

And, Kilfoyle loves to go fishing. Three fishing rods are propped up in one corner of his apartment, and a staff worker takes him fishing on occasion.

Kilfoyle has gone through some rough patches in his life, but everyone who knows him says he has a heart of gold.

"I like to help people out," Kilfoyle says, explaining that he often helps carry neighbors' grocery bags or laundry baskets.

A group of women sitting in chairs outside St. Benedict's Manor testify of Kilfoyle's helpfulness.

"That's one thing about Robert -- he's quite the gentleman," says one woman.

"He always hold the door, and lets the woman go first," says another.

Kilfoyle's case worker says his helpful nature sometimes gets him into trouble.

"He's very kind, and sometimes he gets taken advantage of," Shale said.

Kilfoyle's latest goal is to "get out more and go back to work." Although he's done yardwork and janitorial jobs in the past, health issues keep him from working right now. He's had a problem with blood clots, and a double hernia keeps him from doing any heavy lifting. He needs surgery, but recently backed out of an operation at the last minute.

"And he still hasn't gone to the dentist in years and years," Shale said.

Kilfoyle says his dream job would to be a janitor.

"Follow in my dad's footsteps," he says. "He was a janitor at Weber State College."

That idea of following in his father's footsteps comes up several times in conversation with Kilfoyle.

"He's still in my heart, even though he's up in heaven," he says.

Claire Mantonya, executive director of the Utah Developmental Disabilities Council, says Kilfoyle was extremely deserving of the Self-Advocate of the Year award.

"He started out in a group home, but didn't like the rules and supervision, so he advocated for himself to get into his own apartment," she said.

Among others recognized at the Advocacy Awards Luncheon were Susan Harms, of Roy, named Parent of the Year; Natalie Williams, of Weber State University, Educator of the Year; and Becky Edwards, of Davis County, Legislator of the Year.

The UDDC is a quasi-governmental council made up of citizens appointed by the governor, as well as heads of state agencies who provide services for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Mantonya said that when her organization started 42 years ago, most of those they advocate for were institutionalized. Today, they're working to make the system more responsive to those it serves.

"It's really nice to have the opportunity to celebrate and recognized people who've made a difference in their communities," Mantonya said. "We hear all the time about negative things, but there are so many good people out there."

Shale says one of Kilfoyle's eventual goals is to reconnect with a sister and brother.

Widdison insists that, living on his own, Kilfoyle continues to make improvements.

"We've been working on his everyday living skills," she said.

He's taking his medications, learning meal portion sizes, knows he needs to drink more water, and is getting better at budgeting and price-matching, according to Widdison.

"It's awesome," she says. "He's done so well. He's really improved."

"He's flourishing," says Shale.

For his part, Kilfoyle knows he's making a success of his life, and that his father would be proud.

"I'm achieving my dreams," he explains, then adds: "Going fishing."

Contact Mark Saal at 801-625-4272, or msaal@standard.net. Follow him on Twitter at @Saalman. Like him on Facebook at facebook.com/SEMarkSaal.

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